I did it. I found the perfect mascot.
Recently, a lot of local, regional, and even national media outlets have been running stories about the removal of Prospector Pete as Long Beach State’s mascot.
Not because they care about Prospector Pete, have anything original to say, or have a strong stance or solution, but because at its core, the Prospector Pete removal is about political correctness.
Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter what side you’re on. Stories about “political correctness” get clicks. Hell, that’s the only reason I’m writing this story now.
But, unlike the generic “this is what’s happening…here are some possible alternative mascots we’ve been hearing” articles that really say nothing, I’m going to hit you with a hard stance and propose the only true mascot that makes sense.
Long Beach State’s new mascot is….the Chickens.
**Announcer Voice** And now put your hands together for yooouurrr Long Beach State Chickens!
Right up front, let’s acknowledge that it’s the only mascot that allows us to keep the true treasure of the Long Beach State campus—The (Chicken) Nugget Bar and Grill—”without offending anyone or changing the name. “The Nugget is a play on the whole “gold” theme that may completely go away with the elimination of the Prospector.
The disappearance of The Nugget would be a travesty. There are few traditions at Long Beach State that have continued through generations, like getting a little buzzed at The Nugget before a miserable Wednesday afternoon class. The “Chicken Nugget” has never offended anyone (except maybe The Big Mac). That alone makes it a front-runner. But there’s more.
Hear me out.
For those who oppose the “prospector” image and are truly trying to create a #NoBarriers, “everyone’s accepted” environment, why not give the chicken a shot? It’s certainly unique. It’s not the kind of animal you usually see as a mascot because it’s an underdog. It’s not a predator, it’s the prey. Let’s not just go replace a predatory human image with a predatory animal...let’s celebrate the non-violent!
Chickens are your humble, hardworking, lay-an-egg-a-day grinder that’s never gotten the glory. Chickens play by the rules, work hard, get dirty, and, until now, have never gotten any recognition.
Let’s do it Long Beach State, let’s step up and honor this marginalized animal. What’s more diverse than a chicken at the beach?
And what about those who say this whole Prospector Pete nonsense is a joke? Well, this mascot will make you happy too. Now, when someone asks you, “Why did Long Beach State change its mascot?” You can honestly answer, “Because we’re Chickens.” It’s perfect.
Best of all, we’ve been secretly branding ourselves as Chickens for a long time now.
Why do we schedule Homecoming basketball games against awful, Division 3 schools that my NJB team could beat? Because we’re Chickens!
Why does everyone at the university deflect the reasons for their mascot decisions to a higher power like “The almighty CSU system?” and nobody is taking ownership of the decisions? Because they’re true Chickens. Good school spirit starts from the top down, and our administration has already shown they’re fully on board. Long Beach State is full of Chickens!
We’ve even already started tampering with our logo to be more chicken-friendly by taking out the “A” from “BEACH” and replacing it with an upright chicken beak ^.